Dating your Spouse for Friendship, Fun and of course Food

by Self-Appointed Relationship Expert, Professor* Adam Blackwell

Mercifully, Mr Blackwell had already contracted Mrs Millie Blackwell to a life of love, laughter and snack prep long before the modern dating scene was besieged with apps and unusual selfies. He had to woo her the old fashioned way, with cash. Now world famous as a dating icon in middle aged romance circles, Mr Blackwell was recently interviewed by Mr George Stephanopoulos of ABC’s Good Morning America on the subject of successful spousal dating in the 2020s. (For legal clarity, neither George, his producer or indeed anyone else was present for this interview.)

George: “Mr Blackwell – may I call you Adam?”

Mr Blackwell: “No, stick with Mr Blackwell.”

George: “Many readers will want to know how you do it. Some relationships are in their fifth, sixth or seventh decade, and surely the romance flame is flickering. How do you keep it blazing?” 

Mr Blackwell: “Many men my age reached their personal pinnacle of hairstyle, jewelry policies, humour preferences and bands that are cool, when they were 23 and have stuck to those choices for the rest of their lives. They’ve become predictable. And their spouse knows it and is frankly a little bored.  For me, I treat my wife like she could potentially be stolen from me by a weathered cowboy who sings baritone or an organic linen-clad free love poet at any moment. So I’m always evolving to stay mildly interesting. If Millie starts talking about growing vegetables? Bam! I get a real man to build some raised beds in the back yard and I buy myself some dungarees. If she shows an interest in embroidery? Bam! We’re combining a cocktail bar date with a visit to Miss Maude for supplies.  She mentions hand written notes as a romantic form of communication? Bam! I’m straight down to Fresh Choice to get a 6 for $10 deal on greetings cards. You reading me George?”

George: “Let’s assume the date is underway. What do you do between the actual eating? How do you keep the conversation flowing?”

Mr Blackwell: “Start with a martini and if you’re in an establishment that doesn’t have Greytown gin on the menu, ask specifically for it. Look mildly disappointed when they offer you something else as a substitute and suggest they get some Greytown gin on the shelf, but yes, start with a martini. Mrs Blackwell and I also have no shame in referring to notes taken throughout the days leading up to the date. Little pieces of local scandal, new product selections for our stores, previously bare parts of my body where hair now seems to be sprouting, you know, the really thought-provoking stuff.”

George: “Let’s talk about phones and their presence during the date. Aren’t you being a little old fashioned by suggesting they shouldn’t even be brought into the bar or restaurant?”

Mr Blackwell: “George, I’ve heard all of the excuses. ‘I need to take photos of my food so I can share them on Insta.’ No, you need to start adulting, you are no longer 16. ‘What if the kids or the babysitter need to reach me?’ Please. They really only need to reach you after the police or fire service have done their job and you should be home by then. Look, this is all nonsense anyway. The only reason people bring their phones to dates is due to the screen addiction epidemic that started with Tim Apple back in 2007. For just two blissful hours, go from gawking at breaking news on Reddit while you are breathing through your mouth to gazing into the deep pools of beauty that reside in your one true love’s eyes and tell he or her, perhaps with a French accent if you are feeling frisky, that a second dessert could be on the cards when you get home.”

George: “Thanks very much, we’ll leave it there.”

Mr Blackwell: “I’ve got more.”

 George: “No, that’s fine.”

 *Not a “professor” in the strict legal sense of the word.